so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
