The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
