it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize