So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
