I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
