I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
