I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
