evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
