Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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