shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
