can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
