i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my phone needs a breathalizer
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
