We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize