saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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