Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
