wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
