it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize