its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
