Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
