He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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