We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
