You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
