I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
