omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
