Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
