I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
