i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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