HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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