Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
