Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
