i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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