vagina is talking i cant
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
