Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
