why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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