you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
