im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
