My sheets look like a crime scene.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
