How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
