How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
