my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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