handjob tips. give me some.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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