she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
