Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
