I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
