he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just google imaged poop.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
