i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
