he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
