I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
