My liver just broke up with me...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
