Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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