So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
