; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
