I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
