Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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