i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
