My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
