If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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