I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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