peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
