if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we're chasing vodka with high fives
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
