I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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