I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
