So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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