that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize