YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
