okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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