you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
