I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize