did you get engaged???
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
