I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
