dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
