Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
