quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am naked and annoyed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
